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| Valentine's/Lunar New Year gift from a dear friend. She said the patterning reflects the Lunar New Year clothing. (Bless her precious soul.) |
February is coming close to an end, which also marks the finale of my short-lived taste of independence. This past month has been full of self discoveries that, unfortunately, can easily be disregarded. I've taught myself to cook food that is beyond simply boiling at an instant (stir frying, grilling, steaming and marinating), make floral bouquet arrangements (as a result of Lunar New Year customs) and to keep myself disciplined.
Despite the harm of what too much freedom and independence may bring, this experience has definitely prepared me for university life, and I have to say- I'm ready.
Roux
/ro͞o/
{Early 19th century. Via French , 'browned' < Old French rous 'reddish brown' < Latin russus 'red']}
There was a sudden urge to run across the placid blanket of snow, to watch in satisfaction as the slush of my boots dirty the untrodden paths with each step. The damage would feel irrevocable. Or so it would seem, until the snow waters way and return to back from where it came.
And I wait again, to trample the white and beautiful, as my spirit grows in rue.
Sometimes when I study as dry salty tears fall down my face, I listen to my waltz turn up playlist to make myself feel better. Or if I just feel void of emotion in general.
In all honesty, I am a closet waltz music fan. It's not that I hide it- I've just never felt compelled to share it with others. There is a little notion out there that those who adore classical music are just really pretentious people, which is pretty presumptuous to believe if you ask me. Yes, I get some music out there can bore you to tears if you listen to it for over two hours on end, but if you listen to certain movements of certain sonatas/pieces/long orchestra music (?? I'm not really technical with the terms, I just like what I hear), they actually sound incredibly awesome. Heart-wrenching, blood rushing and lots of feels (just listen to Winter first movement of the Four Seasons from Vivaldi). What I'm trying to say is this: waltz music can give you lots of feels. So unless you're heartless, you're probably going to be moved by the soaring notes and trills of violins like I have. I will provide my own commentary and my feels about some of the tracks on this playlist. Just consider this the mundane teenage interpretations and thoughts of incredibly complex music superior to what I can appreciate.
My favourite track from this would be Fairy Dance from the live action Peter Pan soundtrack. (This is where I would put the heart eyes emoji if I could. If you haven't seen the Peter Pan live action movie- go, do it now.)
Tracklist (not in particular order)
- The Second Waltz, Op.99 Dmitri Shoshtakovich
- This track starts with a tone that makes you believe you're waltzing away with the one you're out to secretly assassin, especially when you're a Russian spy. Preferably a femme fatale. And somehow you end up falling for them. And then your heart just soars as you waltz and you end up disregarding your mission in order to save
baethem. - Sleeping Beauty Op 66 Act I Tchaikovsky
- This is the ultimate angry and moody waltz. You're introduced to this furious mood and then out of nowhere it gets really sweet and mellow which abruptly erupts into a turmoil of emotions thereafter. This would be the background track to a scene where you're considering if you should hex someone and then actually do it when you see them trying escaping your clutches. I mean- this track is part of the Sleeping Beauty soundtrack for a reason.
- Winter Vivaldi
- Oh god- don't even get me started with this one. This is perhaps one of my favorites- although this doesn't really count as waltz music (if you can really waltz to this I applaud you) This is absolutely perfect if you're looking for the angst and anguish you never knew you could feel. It tugs at your heartstrings and soul in the first movement and then tries to soothe you in the second. I don't know what really happens in the third movement though. It's really beautiful. It definitely delivers the winter mood (as titled) with the fervent violin bow strokes that give off an impression of a biting winter wind that whips in your face.
P.S.
This was typed over two weeks ago in the midst of a soul-destroying period of final semester exams. So I may sound a bit deprived of sanity and sleep (considering this was prioritized over studying).
It's Sunday night and here I am gloomily sitting on my bed, alternating between folding clothes and trying to type this out. My father and I had just dropped off my mom and my sister at the airport a few hours ago, and now here I am, feeling the most void than I have ever felt in my measly seventeen years of existence.
I'm usually the one who never gets homesick, always tempted by the possibility of independence and freedom. And now I realize that whatever I've been through or wherever I've went, my sister has always been with me, following happily.
In a way, this is a wake up call, the perfect chance for me to get accustomed to university life after I finish high school this year. My mom, who always cooks and cleans for the family, and my sister, who always keeps watch after me, will be gone for a month, leaving me to fend for myself with a father is just as skilled as I am in the kitchen.
Despite the sadness of having some empty bedrooms in the house, I'm excited to prove to myself and test my capabilities this month. Sadly, my sister had taken my DSLR camera on her trip, so I can't document this month that well. However, as seen in the picture above, I am resorting to using my rickety and unreliable $10 Vivitar digital camera, to follow through the upcoming mishaps and ventures of independence.
What's in store for this upcoming month:
- Preparing for Lunar New Year (cleaning, praying, temple, ceremonies- all on my own (ahhh!)
- Cooking (which actually doesn't revolve around boiling water for instant noodles)
- Getting a job
- University supplementary applications
- Errands errands errands
- Extracurriculars
- This list is already too much so I'm going to stop now.
Ultimately, despite feeling a little miserable without my mom and my sister, I am ready to take on this month in stride.
Love Always,
Kerra (Tram)
In the midst of a hectic exam week, I would like to reminisce of a time (beginning of the school semester really) that had been more serene, which was back when I had taken a Buddhist retreat up by a mountain cottage by the border of Quebec. Over a span of four days, I had meditated, read mantras and sutras, and had learned to love the waking at dawn.
As I write of this, I can remember the warm aroma of hot rice porridge served at dawn during the cold brittle autumn weather of high altitudes, the ringing of the bells that emanated and pulled at my chest every morning, and the cry of the roosters as the sun rose.
I had found a small home in those short days.
My family and I stayed in cabins across a Buddhist temple that overlooked a dreamy lake and forest. Near the cabins, to my surprise, was a farm of birds: roosters, peacocks, pigeons, turkeys, doves.....all saved by the resident monk from being slaughtered at neighbouring farms, which was really kind and sweet. Everyone at the retreat were kind, much kinder than they usually were when I met them in the temple down in the city. Perhaps it was the calming cool air of the lake and forest or the sweet chirping of birds that made it impossible for anyone to harbour their mundane troubles.
Already, I can see myself in the future returning to to place, this little home, to escape from the movement of the world and find myself again once in a while. Here's to homes, big or small.
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| The closest I've ever gotten to a chipmunk. |
And so, in a fit of irritation in the midst of a functions class, I decided to dedicate myself to creating these few sketches that are probably not as worthy as the mathematical horror that I missed. All things aside, I love math- it's just sometimes there's plenty of allotted free time for practice.
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